“Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.” - Albus Dumbledore
Sometimes,
we are just too quick to judge.
We have listened, we told ourselves, justifying.
We did give a chance for the other person to speak their hearts out.
But rarely do we listen to understand.
Often times we listen just enough for us to come out with a reply.
We listen just so we can, later on, justify our own views.
We listen just so we can, later on, use it as a weapon to counter attack.
And we end up not understanding a single thing being said.
Sometimes,
we are just too quick to dismiss.
We have spoken, we told ourselves, justifying.
We did give a chance for the other person to understand us.
But rarely do we speak to reach out and explain.
Often times we speak just enough to convey our feelings.
We speak just so we can, later on, justify our own views.
We speak just so we can, later on, use it as a weapon to counter attack.
And they end up not understanding a single thing being said.
What, let us ask ourselves;
what was it that really caused Anakin Skywalker to become Darth Vader?
what was it thatreally caused Tom Riddle to become Lord Voldemort?
Money? Power?
Or simply because they were being misunderstood, and was not given the chance to understand?
So a certain someone told me that i like to make things complicated. That i'd take simple things, and turn them into complicated matters. So i thought about it.
And i thought about it more. And a bit more. Until it becomes complicated. So, yeah, i guess it's true.
And then i realised why.
It's not so much liking doing it, it's more to the fact that my mind is currently pretty much empty. Yeah. EMPTY.
I'm not used to not thinking about things that matter. I'm not used to not thinking about the big things and the deep thoughts.
And so my mind is filled with all these trivial thoughts, and all these trivial thoughts are not stimulating enough that i have to make them complicated in order to make them matter.
And thinking of trivial thoughts really drains the energy out.
Then i stopped. I thought no, scratch that.
Why? Why would it be trivial? Why wouldn't it matter?
How is it that in my mind, there are things that are small and trivial?
It doesn't make sense. Even a bacillus is huge if you look under a microscope.
It's all about perception.
Everything we see is a perception, not the truth.
Some things may be of little weight to me, but may be the heaviest thing to some. It's not the face value that matters, really.
It's what it means. It's what it represents. That's what matters.
And we, as empathetic beings, should not be the judge of that.
Being empathetic does not mean we understand what others go through. We don't have to. We never will.
We don't walk in their shoes. And pretending to is just a way of downgrading and minimising their pain.
We shouldn't think that we have to understand. And it shouldn't be expected of us.
Sometimes we get too tired with the world. We feel so drained. We feel disappointed.
And every time we watch the news, our heart bleeds and our brain aches.
We look around us, and the blade cuts deeper.
We get exhausted. we wish we could help, but there's nothing we can do.
We settle with what we can, and eventually the flame fades and blows out.
And so we live in our own little world, doing our own little job, thinking only of our own little problems.
And that thought really scares me.
Thus end my random rambling and ranting on my day off.
The world is a profoundly unjust place.
It always have been and i imagine it always will be.
But that doesn't absolve us of our responsibility to look directly at problems, even if they are painful to look at.
And to try our best to do something to decrease world suck.
- John Green
We are now edging into 2015.
Meaning we are almost 15 years into the 21st century.
What did we imagine 2014 would be like 10 years ago? 20 years ago?
How big is the difference between what we imagined and reality?
So i was reading this list of events that happened in 2014.
And i have to say, it wasn't a very happy read.
Sure 2014 is the year Germany added another star to their football team logo.
It is also the year the Rosetta spacecraft's probe landed on a certain Comet 67P.
And also the year a 17-year-old girl received the Nobel Prize for Peace, youngest ever laureate, wow!
Happy, happy thoughts.
On the other side of the coin however...
The civil unrest in Ukraine.
Some 276 girls and women abducted in Nigeria.
The disappearance of MH370, 239 people on board.
Capsize of the Korean ferry, 290 people died.
The Boko Haram killing in Nigeria, around 300 people killed.
Ebola virus epidemic, at least 7000 people died.
The so-called "Sunni millitant group" ISIS agenda killing God-knows-how-many.
The Israeli attack on Gaza, called Operation Protective Edge, killing over 2000 people.
The shooting down of MH17, all 298 people on board died.
The killing of 141 people, including 132 children in Peshawar by Taliban gunmen.
Too many killings. Too many preventable deaths.
And these are just some of those that made it to international news.
What will it take for us to see, to really see with our eyes? And to feel, to really feel and understand the situation of this world we're living in?
I mean it's been over 100 years since the identification of Mycobacterium tuberculosis, and over 60 years since the development of antibiotic streptomycin, effective against TB, yet 1.5 million people died of TB in 2013 alone, most of which are from low-to-middle income countries.
And what about malaria, one of the oldest disease known? Over 500 000 people died of malaria in 2013, mostly children in Africa. That's like one child a minute. And this is a preventable and curable disease.
Yes, these are very complex matters that involve lots resources and departments and agencies to solve. It's not as easy as it seems.
Heck, even the truths behind them are complicated.
But that's the thing. Truth resists simplicity (another one by John Green).
But is there really nothing we can do?
And here's to hoping for a 2015 of humanity and love. Cheers.
Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.
A transcript from How I Met Your Mother, S1E20; Milk.
Lily: Come on! It's an adventure.
Ted: No, it's not an adventure. It's a mistake.
Lily: Okay, yes it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake. But there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it's a mistake is to make the mistake, and look back and say, "Yep, that was a mistake". So, really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake, because then you go your whole life not really knowing if something is a mistake or not. And, damn it, i've made no mistakes! I've done all of this - my life, my relationship, my career - mistake-free. Does any of this make sense to you?
Ted: I don't know. You said "mistake" a lot.
There are times when we aren't sure about our lives.
We are torn apart between two choices. We know what we want, and we know what is right.
We may even know it will be a mistake if we do it.
So we weigh the pros and cons.
And we end up doing nothing, out of fear of making mistakes.
We live in an environment where making a mistake is not acceptable. Not even tolerable at times. Well, for some of us, at least.
So we grow up making the "right" choices, the "right" decisions. Mistake-free.
And along the way, we miss out on a lot of things.
We become too afraid to open our minds and widen our views.
Because we don't know what is outside this box we are accustomed to.
And every time we try to step out, the fear of making mistakes engulfs us. Much like agoraphobia.
Sometimes, even if you know something's a mistake, you've got to make it anyway.
Then you will really know it's a mistake.
And you will learn to live with it, to forgive yourself for making that mistake, and to come to peace with it.
I guess.
There will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right.
In the Harry Potter world, there's this useful instrument, used quite a lot by Professor Dumbledore. It was first discovered by HP in The Goblet of Fire.
It is useful, but is subjected to potential abuse, which is what Harry himself did the first he saw it.
Well, you know, curiousity. It's a blessing.
Anyway, this instrument is called a Pensieve. For those of you who aren't fans of HP, a Pensieve looks like a shallow basin filled with silvery, cloud-like substance of liquid/gas consistency.
And what, one may ask, is this silvery, cloud-like substance of liquid/gas consistency? It's a bunch of memories, "floating" together after it is siphoned out by their owner. Then, anyone can access it should they find themselves in the vicinity of that Pensieve.
On the one hand, it is useful in the sense that you can siphon out the memories you don't want to forget and retrieve it anytime.
You can use it to connect the dots in your quest for the Holy Grail.
You can use it to show people what happens at a particular time and place. Which would be useful to, say, win an argument. Or even a trial in court. Huh. That would be particularly useful. We should make this Pensieve thing a thing. But then, it can be tampered with, like what Professor Slughorn did to the memory of the conversation between Tom Riddle and him. Which turns out to be an important piece of the how-to-end-Voldemort-forever puzzle.
Or you can use it to simply feel nostalgic and dwell in those memories.
On the other, well, you know. Privacy and abuse and not living life due dwelling in memories and stuff.
And how i wish i have one.
The Pensieve i mean. Not memories.
It'd be too pathetic to desire a memory. Just hoping it would come floating by. Yeah, that's about right.
Not that i have too many great memories that would lead to the end of world poverty and hunger. Or to finding the cure for cancer and AIDS and amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. Or to increase literacy rate. Or to the access of clean water for every part of the world. Or to reduce the effect of global warming. Or to bring peace in Middle East.
Or maybe there is. Man, i should really start working on it.
It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.
So I was trying to make my Twitter account more alive by throwing out whatever crossed my mind. And, well, I don't really like it. "Don't really like" is actually kinda an understatement.
The word limit feels really restricting, like how a claustrophobic would feel in a confined, dark room. Suffocating.
But it's not all bad. Still, I decided to rumble mumble jumble my thoughts here.
My thought process is currently a bit incoherent, so bear with me here.
A few weeks ago, a friend of mine sort of "forced" me to read a book by John Green.
I was at that time still totally in love with dystopian books, and had just finished reading the Divergent series, and was still utterly crushing (is that even right?) on the main guy character, Four.
And she said, I can't say I quote because she didn't actually say it in English, but meh, I'll just use I quote anyway, "read this book before you start reading any other books". And that she had this huge crush on Augustus Waters, the main guy character.
The fact that these people are fictitious isn't really a barrier.
You know, it's not easy to find a book that can actually absorb you into the realm of, well, the book. At least not for me. So once I get in, I tend to either fall in love with the scene, the genre, the main character, the theme, or simply in love with...it.
And I know a lot of people do, too. Ok. Whatever.
So I read it. You know, The Fault in Our Stars.The one my friend force-recommended. (I mean, I didn't even know who John Green is). I hope I'm not giving out any spoilers here. I don't know if I should use the spoiler alert, because it won't really be a spoiler. But it will be kind of a spoiler. Or maybe not. Ok, so I'll just put in a small SPOILER ALERT here.
Anyway.
After reading it the first time, I was all "Ok. So it's a book about cancer. Sort of."
But being a science major, there are some things that I don't really understand in this book (I was trying REALLY hard not to diagnose Hazel's dyspnea, like is it a pleural effusion or a pulmonary edema. In the end I decided it's a pleural effusion because of the thoracocentesis and stuff. I mean, I would've suggested pleurodesis, but yeah, not my call).
But (again) being a person who took English Literature course back in school, I have all these questions that I needed answers to. Nothing like Hazel's, though. I mean, I agree with JG that all characters cease to exist once a novel is done. So far.
So I read it the second time. Conclusion: it's still a book about cancer.
The third time, however, I decided to have someone else read it to me. Maybe something will change this time. So I listened to an audiobook. Which is a lot faster.
Conclusion: it's not so much a book about cancer as it is about life itself. I mean, even if you don't have cancer, there are still some things you can relate to, that give you sense of things and life and all.
But I was left, with even more questions.
The theme of the book isn't really what I want to write about. Actually there's a lot of things I want to write about. But let's me just write about one of them, for now.
Somewhere in the book, JG wrote about who the real heroes are. I'm just going to paraphrase here. He said that the real heroes are the people who notice things, who observe keenly, who pay attention. Mainly because the universe wants to be observed. Not the people who do things.
I agree with him, partly. The observing part, yeah. The not doing things part, not really.
Observation really is a powerful ability granted to a person. You can learn a lot through observation.
With just observation, you can already get a part of a patient's diagnosis.
With just observation, you can tell just how much the patient is tolerating or suffering.
With just observation, you can tell how much benefit you want to give to the doubt you have about it.
I was once in the hospital, in my third year of med school, the doctor asked, even before we could do the patient interview, what the patient had.
We just started Internal Medicine, so we thought it was a really hard task. We didn't know how to observe (the patient was deaf in one ear, by the way. And he had a hearing aid. Which shouldn't be hard to recognize. But we didn't. Because we thought he was expecting us to see some more sophisticated things).
"Street diagnosis" he would call it. And he really emphasized on that.
Recently, I haven't really been living in the "now" part of time. I've been too eager to look ahead.
Sure, it's good. But losing the now part for the whatever it is to come, is it really worth it?
Sometimes we're too caught up in the future, we forget to enjoy the now. And once we're in the future, we feel bad for not cherishing the now.
I don't know. But I think observing the things around me, everything, anything, really gives me the sense of now. It sort of ties me back to the present.
One room at a time, yeah?
Wow. This is really long.
So here's a song for you.
I am currently obsessing over this song.
The first time I listened to it, the early part, I was all "come on! Why is this song so slow? Where's the energy?!"
Then came this part, where I was like "woahhh, this is what I've been waiting for. You still haven't failed to amaze me FJ. Awesome!"
So here it is; Terbang Tunduk by Fynn Jamal.
Can't find the original version. Heh. Jangan komplen banyak lah.
The marks humans leave are too often scars.
- John Green -
ps: Finals. Again?
ps2: A friend of mine just gave birth to a baby boy. And I can't can't can't CAN'T wait to see him *big grin*
Scene 1 A few months ago; surgery room. On the operating table, a patient. Post-op. Gastrostomy tube placement. Patient suffers from esophageal tumour, nasogastric tube cannot be placed. Patient has been dependent on parenteral nutrition.
Surgeon: Do you know why we have to place the gastrostomy tube? Because living off glucose and electrolytes is not a way to live. We are in the 21st century, and no man should die of starvation.
Scene 2 A few hours ago; on the ward. A very cachectic old lady (i personally have NEVER seen anyone so cachectic). First thought: probably cancer, late stage.
Doctor: The lady just now, no disease. She's been neglected.
Student: Is she dying?
Doctor: Yes, unfortunately.
Scene 3 Right now; somewhere on earth. An old man in the alleyways of a modern city; A shivering child under the rubble of a former home in Palestine; A child with kwashiorkor, somewhere in Africa; lying, waiting.
No help arrives.
*tiba-tiba lagu Bahasa Melayu. Sila abaikan video*
It is our own neglect, our own indifference that kills. Not starvation. Not lack of food supply.
Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike
Hari ni, tadi, ada parcel sampai; buku teks medik yang aku beli online.
Seronok. Gila. Rasa macam bagi hadiah kat diri sendiri.
Padahal,
tahu dah benda nak sampai.
Excited lebih.
Aku pun terfikir.
Oh. Macam ni agaknya perasaan,
kalau dapat
buku catatan amal cantik-cantik ikut tangan kanan.
Kot?
Aku pun terus buka selotep dengan tidak sabarnya.
Selamat awal tahun. Selamat Hijrah. Selamat berhijrah.
Selamat tinggalkan semalam.
Nah hadiah; lagu epik zaman sekolahan --
anda mahu tahu mengapa anda masih hidup pada tahun baru ini?
Kerana Dia mahu anda berubah. Dia mahu anda menjadi lebih dekat denganNya.
"Aku mengibaratkan diriku sebagai durian hujung julai, sesuai dengan diri yang tidak mahu gugur dan hanya menunggu ketika untuk jatuh ke bumi; jauh dari bumi di bawah sana. Kesepian asyik memagut-magut setiap penjuru perjalanan kehidupanku yang serba daif. Sekali imbas, terasa sepi dan benar-benar tersisih daripada sesiapa saja kecuali angin berpawana dan mentari yang menyinar..."-Shahnon Ahmad-
Apa tu, orang selalu cakap?
Masa adalah penawar?
Lama otak aku fikir, selongkar semua neuron yang ada.
Masa adalah penawar.
Aku fikir lagi.
Masa adalah penawar?
Dedaun kuning yang luruh aku abaikan. Terus berjalan.
Masa? Penawar?
Penawar tu bukan macam ubat ke?
Macam mana masa yang tak tercapai pancaindera nak gapai, yang membuatkan manusia tidak sudah berdebat tentang dia,boleh menjadi penawar, menjadi ubat?
Dengan bed rest dan immobilisation? (abaikan; post-orthopaedics)
Apa benda masa ni?
Apa benda ni?
Ahhh. Give up neuron aku nak menembak-nembak lagi.
Kalaulah boleh diulang masa.
Aku perlukan masa.
Tak cukup masa, tak cukup masa!
Beri dia masa.
Masa tu lah dia, punca masa-lah.
Ah sudahlah. Buang masa cakap dengan kau.
Terasa ibarat masa berterbangan keluar tingkap (Erkk)
Macam-macam kata kerja kita guna untuk masa. Sesuka hati.
Macamlah masa itu sesuatu objek wujud berjisim.
Tapi kan, mungkin juga.
Dengan selang masa, kesakitan yang kita alami makin berkurang.
Dengan selang masa, segala jerih payah rasa terubat.
Dengan selang masa, kekusutan boleh terlerai.
Dengan selang masa, kesusahan boleh jadi lupa.
Ahh. Itu kata kuncinya. Barangkali.
Lupa.
Masa, mungkin tidak dapat mengubati secara lahir. Tapi masa, dengan selang masa, kita jadi lupa pada kesakitan, kesusahan, kepedihan kita.
Mungkin itulah dianya.
Mungkin sekali.
Mungkin.
"Man alone measures time. Man alone chimes the hour. And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralysing fear that no other creature endures. A fear of time running out."
- the time keeper, Mitch Albom
Just finished reading Anthem by Hlovate. Akhirnya, I know.
Compared to Hlovate's other books, this one is...
the same... yet so different.
And this is what's written on the last page, which I'm sure there's many out there who feels this way.
words!
...saya dalam gelap...
...dan salah siapa kalau saya tak nampak?
...kenapa orang keliling hanya pandai bising...
...tapi tak pandai menghulur tangan?
Jangan pernah judge masa lampau orang lain. Mana mungkin kita tahu jika masa lampaunya tu adalah masa depan kita.
Jangan pernah merasa kita mulia jika baju kita putih dan tak pernah bercemar noda, kalau tak pernah kita hulur tangan kepada mereka yang bergelumang lumpur dan kotor.
Jangan rasa bagus dengan hanya menggeleng kepala dan bising pada yang salah dan pincang, jika tak pernah kita singsing lengan untuk membetulkan dan membantu.
Jangan menyalahkan mereka yang larut hanyut, jika tak pernah nak cuba tarik mereka yang lemas dan tenggelam. Apatah lagi nak mengajarkan mereka berenang atau meminjamkan pelampung.
Moga hari ini, esok dan akan datang
adalah yang baik-baik je sampai ke penghujung nyawa.
Moga walau hari ini adalah hitam, kelabu dan kelam
tapi esok masih punya harapan untuk jadi pelangi seribu warna.
Minta dengan doa.
Aku rasa dah lama aku tak tulis apa-apa tentang travelling.
Sebab dah lama tak travel kah? Atau dah lama tak ada travel yang inspiring kah?
Atau aku memang pemalas? Err.
Ok. Maka hari ini aku nak ajak anda-anda semua pergi bercinta dengan nature. Pergi cari solace dalam nature.
Pergi lari peluk pokok sambil jerit "hug a tree!".
Kalau orang tanya "dah apahal kau ni?"
Jawab "aku mabuk cinta!",
atau jawab "you don't need a reason to hug a tree",
atau simply jawab "just because", lepas tu terus nyanyi lagu Harimau Malaya, kalau orang tanya buat apa nak peluk pokok.
Destinasi peranginan cuti-cuti Malaysia kita kali ini ialah....
BAKO NATIONAL PARK
(TAMAN NEGARA BAKO)
Park ni letaknya memang tak berapa nak jauh daripada Bandaraya Kuching. Ada lah dalam setengah jam lebih-lebih sikit kot naik kereta. Dulu aku bajet tempat ni 3-4 jam jauhnya daripada Kuching. Chait!
Lepas ni boleh pergi Bako tiap-tiap bulan. Hoho.
Bas ada. Aku nampak ada bas ni ulang alik Kuching-Bako. RM 3.50 one way.
Sampai-sampai, ada office sambut pelanggan. Kat sini anda perlu beli tiket masuk, RM3 untuk kanak-kanak bawah umur, RM10 untuk dewasa bergaya.
Kat sini juga anda perlu sewa bot. Ya, anda kena naik bot pergi Taman Negara daripada ofis sambut pelanggan ni. Memang bergaya.
RM 94 return trip untuk satu bot, maksimum 5 orang.
Betapa riangnya kanak-kanak riang tersebut. Hoho
Boat trip ni ada lah dalam 15 minit. Puas hati naik bot ni. Lama. Kalau naik kat Waterfront Kuching tu tak sampai seminit agak nya. Baru nak feel-feel angin laut menyapa muka, eh,eh dah sampai. Laa.
Ye lah, tambang pun 50sen, nak bising apa.
If you wanna try swimming, nak try test power, hah silalah!
Adik aku kata boleh minta dia pergi bawa anda tengok batu, tapi kena bagitahu kaunter dulu. Bayar lebih ah, memenuhi tuntutan alam pun kena bayar kan, apatah lagi nak pinjam masa pemandu bot tu.
Apahal ilmiah sangat post aku ni.
Pakcik-pakcik nelayan bersemangat Malaysia boleh.
*Tua muda kanan kiri miskin kaya. Inikan tanah airmu juaaaa*
The view that marks the end of your bumpy-wavy boat trip.
Kat sini ada banyak trail boleh lalu, ikut lah berapa lama masa yang ada.
Perkhidmatan bot tamat jam 4 petang. Tidur lah kau kat Taman Negara tu kalau lambat.
So kalau agak-agak gagah nak cuba lebih daripada satu trail, datang awal pagi. Lalu satu trail, makan, lalu trail lain.
Ini tips aku belajar daripada kegagalan. Heh.
Dan aku nak nasihat kan juga, pakai kasut power sikit. Kalau ada hiking shoes/boots lagi bagus.
Kalau tak, alamat anda balik tanpa tapak kasut lah. Lagi-lagi kalau musim hujan.
The trails
Nak try trail mana, anda minta je pendapat hakak/habang kat kaunter tu. Cerita sikit situasi anda, lepas tu sign buku dia. Mudah.
Kalau anda nak menembak (gambar) monyet, kemungkinan besar mereka akan cadangkan trail Teluk Paku. Oh dan kalau anda ada binocular/teropong lagi gembira, sebab pokok hutan Malaysia ni mana ada yang rendah nya.
Aku sendiri lalu trail Teluk Paku. 800 meter katanya. Katanya.
Sepatutnya sejam one way. Tapi sebab kami osem, maka kami telah menamatkan perjalanan pergi dalam masa 40 minit, dan perjalanan balik 30 minit. Dan ini termasuk perhentian untuk stalk monyet proboscis.
Gila apa stalk monyet?
Gila tak stalk! Dah berbulan aku photohunt monyet ni, sejak aku tahu kewujudan dia.
Memang sepanjang perjalanan kena pasang telinga untuk dengar kalau-kalau monyet tu ada keliling.
Monyet ni suka gayut dari pokok ke pokok. Kau cari je bunyi-bunyi daun pokok kena hempap.
Apa special sangat monyet ni? Nasalis larvatus, atau monyet proboscis, atau Big Nose Monkey, atau orang belanda ni, boleh jumpa kat kepulauan Borneo je. Endangered species, pemalu, kacak.
Nak tahu lebih-lebih, apa susah, National Geographic kan ada. Wiki, kalau tak tahu NG tu apa.
Teluk Paku trail and Pantai Teluk Paku itself. Yeah, you walk along the trail to get to this beach. And later I found out that you can just walk along the coast to get here -__-"
Trail Teluk Paku agak mudah. Not bad. Standard ah.
Maka selesai trail TP ni, kami balik ke starting point, naik trail kuning merah ala-ala bendera Selangor.
Harapan dan niatnya nak ke Teluk Pandan Kecil, ada viewpoint. Harapannya.
Jam dah menunjukkan jam 12 tengahari. Lapar dah semestinya.
Tapi gagah juga nak pergi Teluk Pandan Kecil, dan jimat masa kalau tak balik ke HQ dulu.
Ok, fine.
Naik trail. Dalam 50 meter mendaki, terjumpa pakcik foreigner yang kata trail tu mendatar je. 2 jam boleh siap.
Ok, fine.
Ascend lagi 100m. Fuhh, semput dah ni. Mana mendatarnya.
Ascend lagi 100m. Wei bila nak habis ni?
Sampai je tanda 300m, memang dah nak pengsan.
Tiba-tiba ada bunyi-bunyian dari belakang, "lapar sangat dah ni".
Mata bersinar-sinar. "Nak balik? Jom?"
Gila tak nak balik! Kaki gua dah menggigil der!
Descend another 300m, sampai-sampai HQ melepek.
Dapat nasi, memang heaven. Pfft!
The great, great dilemma!
So kalau anda-anda terasa nak dekat dengan nature, sambil exercise keluar toxic yang dah accumulate entah berapa lama dalam badan tu, Bako National Park is definitely one of them that should be on your list.
Day trip pun menarik, tidur sana bertambah teruja.
Ada chalet. Ada dorms. And the price is affordable, or even quite cheap.
Naik satu trail, balik bilik mandi rehat makan, go for the next one.
Kalau tidur 1 malam, boleh lah kot dapat 4-5 trail pendek, 2 trail panjang.
Puas. Tak payah exercise setengah tahun lepas tu. Hah!
Is it just me, or are these trees really creepy?
Pokok akaq kat luaq. Air surut.
Spot the Proboscis! Met almost 10 of them. Kacak bukan?
I saw these guys lots of time walking in the yard of my old house. But NEVER with a beard. Hoho
The show-off gila-gambar macaques. They're the real cheeky munkeh mind ya.
Kemain rembat makanan orang terus sumbat semua masuk mulut.
Nugget, fries. chips, nasi goreng, ayam kurma. You name it, I eat it.
Ada orang cakap kalau tinggal camera/phone atas meja pun dia rembat. Buat selca, instagrammm.
Selamat menyambut hari ulangtahun kemerdekaan Malaysia yang ke 56 yaww!
Tahun ini ulangtahun Malaysia ke 50. Bakal.
Kalau ikut kalendar manusia, harus Malaysia dilanda krisis umur pertengahan yang tak berkesudahan (baca: mid-life crisis).
Tapi yelah. Kalau ikut kalendar manusia.
Tapi Malaysia tanah. Atau mungkin bendera? Atau sekadar nama? Atau mungkin sekumpulan manusia pula? Arghh!
So what is it that defines a country?
It's border or it's name or it's people or it's people's mentality or it's infrastructure? Or...?
So kalau kita cakap negara tu besar maknanya apa?
Area dia besar?
Population dia besar?
Rakyatnya berjiwa besar?
Kalau kita cakap negara tu miskin pula?
Negara tu negara maju?
Negara mundur?
Ahhh! Apa jadah tanya soklan-soklan macam ni pepagi hari Merdeka ni?
Bila tiba hari ulangtahun merdeka, kita akan lihat orang ramai mula cuba define erti kemerdekaan. Cliche.
Apalah ertinya merdeka kalau jiwa kita tidak bebas.
Merdeka 56 tahun, tapi mentaliti... huh!
Dah lama merdeka, patutnya dah tak timbul isu racial unity. Sebab patutnya memang dah unite dah.
Merdeka apa kalau seluruh kehidupan harian kita, apa kita pakai, bila kita kena makan, apa bentuk hiburan kita, semua tu media yang dictate?
Erti merdeka bukanlah terletak pada laungan "Merdeka" tengah malam di dataran.
Bersyukurlah Malaysia masih aman.
Apa benda yang merdeka, ----------- depa, apa benda yang merdeka?
And the list goes on.
Habis, apa ada salah kata-kata orang tu?
Hoi, aku tak cakap pun salah. Aku cuma nak point out betapa cliche nya ayat-ayat tersebut yang diulang sebut saban tahun.
Aku cuma tulis semula, bagi tembus skull sampai ke hippocampus biar melekat terus.
Ahh. Tiba-tiba aku rasa aku yang quarter-life crisis.
*Tinggalkankuuuu. Perlahan-lahan ku terima. Sungguh ku tak sangkaaaaa. Dia membawa jantungku bersamamuuuuu*
Ngape ngko?
My favourite saying for Merdeka this year, by kukubesi, as for now; Kalau tanya aku apa itu merdeka maybe aku tak la feel sangat, tapi aku tau aku sayang Malaysia.
Wuhuu!
Adakah benar merdeka?
Dari penjajahan minda?
Dari segala sudut dan segi?
ps: Mari kita retrospek dan introspek, how far we've come, how hard we've worked, how high we're planning to reach.
ps2: Rasa-rasa macam Malaysia memang tengah dilanda mid-life crisis je? Eh.
ps3: masih menunggu Tanahairku tanahairmu jua. Oi cepatlah!
I'm not quite sure what I've been doing these past few days.
I mean, I know what I've filled my days with, but I'm not quite sure what I've been doing.
Or rather why I've been doing what I've been doing.
I've been putting off packing up until now; and my flight is in less than 12 hours.
Two and a half months away.
I miss it already.
"But you didn't complain about it"
"Because I know you'll always find excuses not to make my life easier"
"But you're not here to make life easier. You're here to discover the meaning of life"
*frowns*
"You're here to discover yourself"
Everyone believes that the main aim in life is to follow a plan. They never ask if that plan is theirs or if it was created by another person. They accumulate experiences, memories, things, other people's ideas, and it is more than they can possibly cope with.
And that is why they forget their dreams.
- The Zahir - Paulo Coelho -
ps: Get off the beaten path, someone said to me.
ps2: Alhamdulillah. Unofficially a 5th year med-student. (^_^)v
It's already half way through the year *fiuhh* and there's only been 4 posts. *krik...krik*
Oh well.
Juggling while standing on a circus ball is no easy feat.
And in between, well, you just might get lost. Somewhere.
Fall, for that is what makes a life (and worth laughing at in 10 years time).
But don't stay there. Move on.
Moving on...
Prioritise...
and sacrifice.
ps: Final is really just around the corner, waiting to ambush. Let's just do our best, and keep praying (^^)v
Sometimes I wonder...
I think...
And more thinking...
And I came to the conclusion (as for now, probably)
Attitude matters.
And our attitude reflects more of our alter egos, than of our principles (or upbringing for that matter).
Don't you think?
And our alter egos, well.
Probably just reflect who we really are.
Maybe not. I don't know.
I've just come to realized; my favourite word in any of the Malaysian language is...
"laah".
I mean, it's so Malaysian and so universal, who doesn't use it?
We need to be the change we want to see happen.
ps: Nasi lemak rendang kerang is definitely Malaysian!
Akhirnya, sedikit break daripada hectic-life yang menuntut diri ini bertapa menghadap buku sepanjang masa. Bolehlah mula catch up on things-kinda-neglected before. Huhu
Harus semuanya disebabkan ketidak-upayaan diri untuk mengurus masa dengan baik. Astaghfirullah.
On the topic of time management, selama ini selalu orang berpesan pada saya; get your priorities right. Prioritise.
Dan banyak kali juga kandas dalam percubaan.
Saya tak tahu di mana silapnya.
Adakah saya tidak tahu apa priority saya?
Atau saya memang tak reti nak prioritise?
Hah!
On another topic, kadang-kadang kita rasa kita dah habis being pushed to the limit.
Ahh, tak mampu lagi! Tolong ingatkan aku....Err. Ehem.
Kadang saya rasa macam dahh cukup! Dah sampai edge of Cliff of Moher dah ni. Cukuplah. Tolonglah.
Tapi semua asakan terus bertalu-talu menolak.
Bukan sekadar carpet bombing, drones turut dihantar sekali dengan missile.
Tunggu masa nak jatuh je daripada Cliff.
Tutup mata, pasrah je. Tapi jatuh yang ditunggu tu tak juga kunjung tiba.
Eh, pelik.
Semalam kami hadiri sebuah talk yang pada saya amaaat serta sangaaatttlah bermakna, dan harapnya akan membawa pada amal.
Talk khas untuk kami, inshaAllah para doctor-to-be.
Dan saya rasa terjawablah persoalan-persoalan saya yang kusut menyerabuti neuron otak saya. Ohoi.
Kata Dr, kita kena prioritise.
Err. Prioritise lagi.
Tapi ada tambahan nya. Prioritise... and sacrifice.
Eh?
Bermakna, prioritise apa yang penting, dan sacrifice apa yang tidak penting.
Oh?
... (mata terkebil-kebil)
... (mata terkebil-kebil)
... (mata terkebil-kebil)
Patutlah!
Pada masa lapang pula, saya gunakan masa untuk bersembang-sembang sedikit bersama Dr, dan juga isteri beliau yang turut menemani beliau ke sini (ladies power! wuhuu!)
Pesan mereka, you must be willing to go extra miles.
There is always a way out.
Kalau kita sungguh-sungguh ikhlas doa pada Tuhan, yakin dengan benar-benar yakin yang Allah akan bantu kita, inshaAllah help WILL arrive.
Tak kiralah setakat mana kita rasa kita tak mampu, kita masih mampu sebenarnya.
Kita di sini, hidup kita bukan hanya untuk diri kita. Berilah erti pada hidup dengan memberi.
All the emotions, hormones flowing through, salurkanlah.
Ke mana?
Devotion to God, and charity.
Shift your paradigm. And inspire others. There's only so much you can do as long as you're willing to.
Whatever happens, never let people touch you on the inside.
ps: Saya rasa saya baru faham. Mungkin. Atau mungkin salah. Atau mungkin saya salah faham. Entahlah. Islam & da'wah is not about dictating someone's life or letting someone dictate your life. Sure Islam has law and lifestyle. But you just have to be creative.
ps2: Moga Allah terima amal saya, anda, kita dan mereka. Doa, dan teruslah berdoa.
ps3: Seriously, it's like the last day of March, but the snow outside, it's like the beginning of January. Welcome back Winter. Stay as long as you wish. You're just following God's order. Jangan berhenti hanya kerana manusia bising-bising. Biasalah mulut manusia. Don't let people touch you on the inside, and don't let people's hope dictate your life. Wuhuu! Tahniah encik Snow. (^_^)v
Depression is not very common among cancer patients. It's not death that gets to them. It's dying alone that gets to them.
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Semalam saya ke lecture Pharmacology. Bermulalah tajuk-tajuk berkaitan Psychopharmacology.
One very interesting lecture. Tetapi ada satu yang benar-benar buat saya terfikir.
Kata cikgu, pernah suatu ketika di sebuah negara Syarikat yang berada di benua Amerika Utara, pihak atasan mula membincangkan untuk mencampurkan sejenis ubat bernama Fluoxetine ke dalam adunan roti, agar rakyat mendapat sedikit dos ubat tersebut.
But of course, tidak dijalankan kerana side effect ubat tersebut agak banyak.
Mari kita lihat apa itu Fluoxetine.
Flouxetine adalah sejenis ubat kelas SSRI; Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor.
Dan SSRI pula adalah sejenis antidepressant.
Dan kegunaannya adalah untuk merawat kemurungan, OCD, bulimia, panic disorder, bipolar disorder, alcohol dependence.
SSRI ni saya kira memang agak common lah juga di kalangan masyarakat barat ni.
Ada kajian yang menunjukkan sekurang-kurangnya 20% penduduk mengambil sekurang-kurangnya satu jenis antidepressant.
There's of course nothing wrong with getting help, including pharmacologically.
In fact it's better to get help than to get bottled up.
Cuma persoalannya, how depressed do you have to be untuk terpaksa meletakkan SSRI ke dalam makanan harian?
Pernah juga seorang cikgu Paediatrics berkata, apabila menceritakan tentang side effect SSRI ke atas fetal development.
"If you are sad, talk to someone. Talk to your friends, call your family. By all means don't take SSRI", katanya.
Di Malaysia saya kira peratusan penduduk yang mengambil antidepressant agak rendah.
Mungkin kerana kadar tahu yang agak rendah.
Atau mungkin kerana sekadar berjumpa dengan psychotherapist sudah dipandang pelik, apatah lagi untuk berjumpa psychiatrist dan mengambil ubat kemurungan. Persepsi yang kurang baik memang sangat discouraging.
Atau mungkin kerana rakyat Malaysia ni sentiasa bahagia, ye lah, makanan sedap-sedap belaka.
Atau mungkin kerana support system di Malaysia masih lagi kuat. No one has to face their problems alone.
Mungkin.
Harapnya rakyat Malaysia tak perlu ambil antidepressant kerana tak depress disebabkan adanya orang-orang keliling yang banyak membantu.
Harapnyalah.
And of course, nothing works better than to just wake up in the middle of the night, ambil wudhu, hampar sejadah, sujud dan berdoa serta memohon pada Pemilik hati-hati kita ini.
Allahualam
Dan janganlah kamu merasa lemah, dan janganlah kamu berdukacita (terhadap apa yang akan menimpa kamu), padahal kamulah orang-orang yang tertinggi darjatnya jika kamu orang-orang yang (sungguh-sungguh) beriman.
[Ali-Imran (3):139]
ps: Of course, I've never walked in anyone else's shoes. Ini cuma luahan pemikiran saya, serta peringatan buat diri sendiri.
ps2: Mari intensif kan lagi doa-doa kita.
ps3: Dan tidak, posting tentang ini tidak bermakna saya sedang depress. So please stop asking v(.")
One.
Routine (r-tn) Having no special quality; ordinary
If I have to, or could, describe my life lately in one single word, that would be the perfect word.
Nope, no need for a dictionary, no need for a thesaurus.
Explains it perfectly. Oh well. You can't be everything in life.
Two.
Do you know how much 1% represent?
I mean, like with 3%, sure, there's a big chance you change the world.
But with 1? Oh well. You can't have everything in life.
Three.
A fixie bike. I'm sure most of us know what it is.
You know, the oh-so-famous bike everywhere. The one that usually doesn't have any brakes.
Imagine going mountain biking on that (I know it's not very possible, which is why I said imagine).
Cycling up, up, up and up. The air gets cooler and less dense, lower pressure, harder to breathe.
Every leg muscles start to build up lactic acid and start to ache.
Your body is telling you to give up, but your mind is fighting for the top.
Citing to yourself:
...If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'...
And suddenly, you're going down. Down, down and down.
You could feel the wind rushing past your face.
And you could feel the excitement and adrenaline pumping through.
And that's when you realize, you are actually going at a speed of 100 km/h.
Down a mountain. On a bike.
Without a brake.
What's about to happen? You have no idea.
What's waiting for you at the bottom. You have no idea.
Oh well. You can't know everything in life.
(and might as well enjoy the ride down while you're at it. Or should you?)
Ending.
Point is, let's just be thankful with what we have.
Sure, go search for meanings, go search for what fulfils you.
Go climb up the trees if it makes you closer to the star you've been aiming for, dreaming for.
By all means, do.
But at times, just stop for a while, and remember to be thankful.
Just say it, Alhamdulillah.
Though it's not yet Ramadhan. Well, you get what I mean. Right?
